My Hope and Dreams..What hopes and dreams..

Last year i met the most amazing man i have ever met. He was literally everything i was looking for. I never in my life thought i would find anyone let alone someone so right, so perfect for me. We were great together, he was my bestfriend and the only person in my life i truly felt safe with..I NEVER thought i would ever get married and it was honestly never a thought in my mind till i met him. its funny how you can find a random person with all the traits you need in a partner, i never knew happiness till i met him. we were stuck in this blissful spot,just the two of us. It was the happiest i have ever been in my life. Until things changed, He changed..he refuses to let go of his past. Part of his life that wasnt ment to be, and shouldnt have been from the start let alone them adding a child into their mess of a relationship and now he's so obsessed with it all that we dont laugh,talk or enjoy each other like we used to. He only cares about them..He told me yesterday that me and my kids dont mean anything to him..After a year of building this house and our lives together.. We STILL dont matter to him..He has said mean things out of anger before but this time.. I BELIEVE HIM...

All my hopes and dreams yesterday were crushed.. By Him.. My Bestfriend,My love, The Man i saw myself growing old with, With our 10 kids and a huge group of grandbabies running around.. All Of It Is Gone Now..

FUCK YOU!!

You know what FUCK YOU.. FUCK HER.. I hate people.

Fuck You and have a nice day!!

So I woke up this morning with a FUCK you attitude. Why am I not worth more then some bitch who stole your child and ran to another country?! TWICE!!!

I AM BETTER!
I AM KINDER!
I AM MORE HONEST!
I AM MORE LOYAL!
I AM MORE DEDICATED!
I AM MORE INVOLVED!

No one in my life will EVER make me feel like i am less then some shady bitch EVER again.

Do you! Do what you gotta do but just remember I will be as well. |

I am NO ONES Second choice. I wouldnt deal with it from either or my children's fathers and I sure as hell am NOT dealing with it from anyone else. Plain and fucking simple!

How would it make you feel..

How would it make you feel to be told that because you dont have a child with the person you're with that they could up and leave without a second thought..

How would you feel if someone told you this and made it very clear they dont want a child with you..

How do you build when you know that because you dont have a child regardless how long you're together they could get fed up or bored and just leave and not blink an eye..

How do you trust or build on a foundation that isnt solid.. a foundation that could fall or be torn away from you in a matter of seconds..

How could anyone be so cruel..

I cant compete with her..

Did you know I am not her..
I wont have perfect hair like her..
I don't have some fancy fucking accent like her..
I don't have stories of my childhood in a different country like her..
I didn't grow up with a "normal' life like her..
I will never carry your child like she did..
I will never be your first love..
I will Never be her..
I am just me..
I am the girl who grew up with an abnormal childhood..
I didn't have my parents by my side..
I was beaten and broken before i even knew what that ment..
I will always have trust issues not with just you but with everyone in my life..
I will always be "different"..
I will always be "difficult"..
Outspoken..
Opinionated..
I will always have no filter..
I will always speak my mind..
I will NEVER be sorry for being me..
I am a TRUE friend..
I am Honest to a Fault..
I Love Harder and Longer then most..
If that's not good enough for you..
Then you don't deserve me anyways

To The Shady Fucking Bitch

Do you really think i'm stupid?!
Do you really think i will let you keep playing these pathetic games?!

Do you think you own his heart still you silly fool?!
Because the answer is HELL NO!
Keep playing little girl because he may not be able to tell you off for the fact you have his daughter and you use her as your weapon against him and always have. Well news flash for you, how long do you think thats going to last, how long before she sees the reason she isnt with her dad isnt because of him its because of you. how long before she sees you for the disgusting fool you are?! How long before she is no longer "useful" to you, how long before you have no control over her electronics or her time to talk to her father?! How long before she hates you for coming between them?! how long before she sees that his life is great as long as your not in it?! how long do you think you can hold on before everything comes crashing down around you?! Did you really think the issues were him?! How could you be jealous of the relationship between your litle girl and her daddy enough to Snatch her and run?! How can you say you love her and take the one relationship that molds a little girl..how could you be so stupid to not know how important it is for a little girl to have her daddy around. If you wanted help and support to raise your daughter you shouldn't have stole her and ran across the world with her. How long do you think she will buy into your fucking bullshit?! How long do you think I'm going to allow you to walk on my feet?! How long do you think i'm going to sit back and watch your games go on. You lost control of this game when your ass left him here to meet a strong headed woman like myself. Keep playing and i'll see your ass in the court room while i stand beside my Man or i'll see you when we fly over and knock on your door to see his daughter. Meet His Real Queen and just like in the game of chess the Queen protects her King. 

To The Woman I Never Met..

Hi, I know i will never get to meet you or get to know exactly how amazing of a woman or mother

you were but i can see it in your son's eyes. I can see how amazing you were by the light and sorrow in his eyes when he talks about you. I can see how important you were by the tears that well in his eyes when he talks about you. i know you gave him many memories and many laughs in his life. I am writing you today on your anniversary to say Thank you. Thank you for raising the most amazing man i have ever met in my entire life. Thank you for letting him make mistakes along the way and supporting him threw it all because it has made him a strong man and helped him push threw all the hurt and pain he's endured before and after you have been gone. I want to let you know that i hope i can make you proud and be the woman that your son deserves in his life. I hope you are smiling down on both Tim and your daughters and you grandchildren with a smile bright and pure enough to light the sky for them on their dark days. I Love your son with all my heart and I hope your looking down on our lives with pride and acceptance. All My Love and thoughts on this day..thank you for being the amazing woman you were and raising your Prince to become my king. <3

Ramble about the love of my life xo

Okay well i'm laying here in bed thinking of what to write about since my blogs come in far and few between spurts lol and beside me lays this amazing,hilarious,completely insane man that i am head over heels for. He has changed me in so many ways in the last few months that it even surprises me. I am by far the "cuddly" "affectionate" type by any means nor am I the type to show emotions very easily but he brings a very different side of me out. i cant begin to explain it because i dont fully understand it myself. i can tell you that i see a future with him. He talks about it so easily and it makes me get butterflies in my tummy lol half is nervousness and the other excitement..i have never met someone like him before. He makes me laugh,he makes me smile literally all the time. i cant believe i actually found my perfect match. He truly is my future <3

I have seen what forever looks like..

I am writing to babble about an amazing man i met approx. 2 1/2 months ago. I am learning the ins and outs of who he is as a man and father. He amazes me with his drive and dedication in everything he does, the love he has for his children is amazing. I have literally never met someone so incredible. He is everything i have ever looked for. i know his past and i love him more daily for everything his heart and soul has endured. He is older then me, has seen things in his life time i wouldn't wish on anyone and yet he is the sweetest soft hearted person i have ever met. When he is around i feel like nothing could ever be wrong. I actually feel safe and loved. Being loved for who i am has been something i haven't had. he knows my flaws and he knows my past and he looks at me and the hot mess that i am and he looks at me with a look of pure acceptance, no judgment. I feel complete when he's around..I have so much respect for the man he is and how humble about life and the few people in his day to day. I love the way his eyes light up when he talks about his children. Even though he's been threw so much and has seen pain no man as amazing as he is should ever go threw in his life, he stays humble and he is hard working. He is everything i have looked for.. he is Real. He is honest and loving,a good father and a passionate lover. I couldn't be happier in my life right now. My mom always told me that when you meet that right person you'll just know..you'll hear it in the back of your mind "that's the one" and I have never been so Head over heals for someone before in such a short time. I have always had walls up my entire life and even more so after two nearly decade long relationships that failed, I even to them still had my walls up.. trying to be the woman They needed me to be and not the woman that i am. He doesn't want me to be what he needs me to be because i am the person he needs me to be when i am just being me..even bumming around his apt, lounging around, hair a mess and snuggled up on his couch watching aimless shows just joking around and being silly. When we are together all we do is laugh. it melts my heart when i look at him and he's already looking at me like it was the first time he's seen me. He has the most beautiful eyes and even better the most beautiful heart i've ever seen.

Never going back..

So I'm again single mom of seven kids. This time i couldn't be happier to be single lol i cant believe i dealt with that crap for all those years lol after nearly a year without him and no contact,no drama.. and then having him around even for two months or so was more then enough to remind me that omg wtf was i ever thinking lol its hilarious how blind you can become over the bullshit we call love. good thing i have learned threw life that nothing lasts forever and everything must one day come to an end. In some way i wish i was more upset and actually felt something over him being gone again..maybe it would make me feel..i dunno..human. but i don't..Like i feel like i don't have any feelings to give anymore.. like I'm not capable of feeling anything at all. its scary but enlightening at the same time. I remember a time when i cried day and night for months.. i couldn't eat,sleep nothing. It tore my heart out time and time again watching him walk away like we didn't matter just to come back when he had nothing better going on then me or his kids.. I truly believe that with every gift we are given comes a price to pay for it and I have my children and my only daughter thanks to him.. but i paid a deep price for him being their father and having to deal with him due to the fact. I have always thought and still do believe a father is just as important in a child's life as a mother is but like a mother.. a father is only important if they make themselves important in their child's life. I wished with all my heart and soul for it to work for so long that now that i have seen first hand that no matter what it never will.. i can move on and not ever look back.. and for once I'm happy about it.

Monsters are out there.. Be aware.

I hate you..i hate you more and more as the days pass. when i see you i am reminded how much easier my life would have been if i had never met you. You disgust me to no end. How could someone so horrible..i grew up thinking monsters were make believe but then people like you and other men like you came into my world and showed me that life is FULL of monsters they just don't wear capes,fangs,drink blood or fly..they walk among us like everyone else. They hide in the open,they lie,cheat,steal and torture people, they literally suck the happiness,hope and even your soul right out of you. They have no regards to others or how the things they do effect others because in their world they are the only ones that matter. They love no one not even themselves. They build fake relationships with people just to get the pleasure of taring their lives apart and watching them struggle to survive and once they finally get grounds to get back up on their own feet they snake their way back in just to do it all over again and none of these poor people see it coming till its to late. Then it starts all over again. These people ARE monsters they are physic vampires. These people are clingy and once they think they have a hold of you and your life or heart they keep coming around just to get a fix of the misery they cause you then they leave like you never mattered..they go about their lives like its nothing and these soul sucking creatures tend to act like they were the victims in it all. They will complain about their recent victim by saying things like he/she was such a bitch or controlling or that they cheat or they this or that but will NEVER take any blame on themselves. these people are people you should steer clear from because no matter how much you think people change or that you can "fix" them or that they love you more then the last person so they'd never do that to you.. Your WRONG. They NEVER change. They'll never care and they will never feel sorry. You cant change people. I have a saying i have learned and lived by this year and actually been thinking of getting it tattooed "People Don't Change, just the mask they wear does." its literally the truest saying i have ever heard in my life. I fell into the "monster's pit" and have suffered greatly mentally for it.. But i survive; it's literally who i am and what i stand for. Nothing in my life has kept me down and never will. I will fight this monster that stands in the shadow of my life till the day i die..  I Am Not A Victim, I'm A Survivor.

eX'z & Aghh'z

Have you ever had someone in your life that you cant imagine living without but if you could chock the life out of them and get away with it you might actually stop and think about it for a minute..Yea i have one of those too and unfortunitly i had four kids with him lol As poisonous as he is to me, my kids love their dad and i know how it feels to grow up fatherless and not know the person who created you..and i saw what my kids dad turned out to be with a father who was in and out of his life and a dad who played daddy to everyone elses kids except his own son..well sadly like father like son and as much as its not my job to defend or keep his relationship between him and his kids.. in my eyes it really is. They're family is so selfish and self obsorbed that no one would defend my kids. they all turned their backs on his entire generation so for them to do it to my kids wouldnt be a huge surprise really. If my kids are going to beat the parenting issues and growing up with dad gone and mom to tired and stressed to actually enjoy being a mom then i need to step up and do something different because by deffinition insanity is doing the same thing over and over again exspecting different results.. and as out there and out spoken that i am i really would like to think that i'm not compeletely insane. I deal with him and all his stupidity and ignorance because i know if i dont fight for his kids future then no one else will. Have you ever had to put yourself into something you really had no interest in doing but it was what was Best for someone you would take a bullet for so you suck it up and deal with it anyways.. yea its That! lol Call me neive but i like to think that everyone has a good side or at least i used to till My kids dad proved me wrong..and sadly its not just one person its an entire family run on lies,stealing and desception. Growing up with a family that runs off money and how much you can spend on yourself and it doesnt matter who you step on to get it..even each other. I yes grew up in facs as a "foster kid" and i got to learn that you put others first. you dont have to be rich to be a good person, to help people, to make a difference, to love someone because you actually care not because genetics says you have to. Living in such a way; so angry and selfish..
it must really suck to live like that. I may have lived a ruff childhood but those very few people in my childhood that i actually felt genuine love from..Those people stood out and made me know that Love is the least selfish thing on this earth and everyone needs it, weather they deserve it or not. our human body; human nature seeks love,acceptance and security and its sad that some people are actually taught the exact opposite of this and it sticks. People in my life have shown me shady, evil ways and lied,cheated,stole and used me..but i see these people after they do such evil things to someone like me knowing i would never do those things to them.. i honestly ad truly feel sorry for them. My soul cries for the sadness and self hating these people have inside themselves. i could never imagine what i would think of myself if i had become what people tried to make me be.. I was determined to NOT be like them.. like all the mean,evil,selfish people in the world..It may suck to be a nice person sometimes but i would rather be me then have to look at myself in the mirror knowing i was like them..

Mothers..Step up or back off and let the real woman do their job.

Is it just me or are their way to many woman who just have babies just to claim being a mother. As a mother of Seven children it literally makes me sick to my stomach to see or know a mother who just cant do her job or Hasnt. I grew up in foster care with Foster parents. Always living with someone elses mom and dad and not my own. Its probably the reason i have a very low tolerance to ignorance when it comes to parenting. Dont get me wrong i am not the perfect parent; Heaven knows i had no one teaching me how to be a mother.. BUT.. i put all seven of my kids before myself and i will ALWAYS be their mother and NO i do NOT agree with those stupid parents who seem to think that just because their children grow up that their job is 'Done' well i didnt know that being a parent had a quiting time. I was always under the impression that parenting was a life time thing but apparently i seem to be the only person that i know that still believes that. I plan to be not only an active grandparent but i will be an active mother till the day I die and even then if i can stick around and keep an eye on my kids and grandkids after i am gone i would. I know far to many shady two faced mothers who dont know how to act like a proper mother. These ladies are turning on their kids, putting themselves first, not protecting their kids, not caring for them like they deserve. Lets face it anyone in my generation is fighting against a genetic default called lousy parenting. Our parents were raised in a time where raising your kids to be proactive people in society wasn't the top priority so unless you were smart enough to acknowledge that this was happening and change the road you were on on your own then you are most likely a product of your surroundings and thankfully i was forced to grow up way faster then i should have been forced to but thanks to that it made me well aware of my families genetic faults and patterns that even at 6 yrs old when my FACS worker asked me what i wanted to be i told her ' I want to be a mother, so that i can stop the pattern of children in my family taken by facs." she really didnt know how to respond considering it wasnt a typical answer anyone would get from a six year old little girl. I plan to one day write my life story but i am afraid i will have to put into fantacy due to no one ever believing that one person could possibly go threw everything i have and still come out semi sane and able to funtion as stable and a rock hard fondation for seven children. I dont like Fake People and I HATE FAKE MOTHERS EVEN MORE..

Home schooling.. YAY OR NAH?!

So, I guess there is no right way or wrong way to say this because you get judged harshly either way lol But here goes..I'm a homeschooling Mom. I homeschool my daughter who is in SK right now this is our second year homeschooling and each year we tend to find more and more ways to teach her and let her mind grow. She is amazing and i love getting to watch her think and even struggle to find the answer just to come to see she knew the answer the entire time. She is an amazing child with an amazing mind but like everyone she has her days were she doesnt feel like doing anything and thats when she needs a push. My older boys are in public school and they dont get pushed, in fact one of my sons is allowed to sleep in class. Mind you he is an Aspie(aspergers/autism) with tourettes so if his mind isnt kept busy his medication for his tourettes tends to make him sleep but he is sleeping in almost every class and last year he slept right threw every single french class to the point they couldnt grade him at all. I had a heck of a time convincing them he has to be woken up. he cant be left to do as he please and i know some people will think badly on how i do things but i push my kids where the school wont and my kids are all my oldest is a A/B student, my 3rd son is a straight B student and my Aspie son and my youngest of my four oldest boys are both B average students but both have learning disabilities, writing/Reading and both have programs and EI's in the class to assist them in any work that they have issues in. I find that to many people worry about one thing when they hear Homeschooling..its the same from everyone. "Aren't you worried about their social life"
Let me explain something for ONE me and their fathers were NEVER social people even in public schools and our kids are the same and the ones that are have Insanely social that no matter schooled here or there will always be social butterflies and TWO No, i am not worried if my grade 2 son has a social life seeing as most of the kids he knows he wont know later in life anyways. i would love for my kids to work on the relationships that will actually matter in their lives like their siblings and other friends and family in their day to day. Honestly now, if we were to think back on how many people we are actually 'friends' with now in our day to day life from elementary school i can guess the number isnt high. So for all those people that ask the same question.. here's my comment back.

If a social life is what your worried about first in your child's education then YOU are the problem with the world these days. That is why our next generation live inside their digital devices and not in the real world anymore.

What A Man Can Do.. A Woman Cant.

I hate that for some men the world still works in black and white. A man can lie,cheat,steal,use woman, take Everything and Anything he wants and its just him being "a guy" or he's deemed "a player" A guy can have a child and walk out on its mother before its even born and its deemed him being just "a guy" or its "no surprise/No Big Deal" But Why.. Why are men not held accountable for the evil that they do. So many of us have childhood issues and 90% of them stem from "Daddy issues" for usually have a completely absent father or one that comes in and out when its convient to him and of course every mother who has a child wants them to have a relationship with their father and yet due to never being held accountable for the damage being done it continues to do nothing but damage the child farther. I believe if ANY man walks out on their child they should be held accountable just as much as any mother would be. A man walks out..no big deal but a woman walks out and she gets jail time for abandonment changes. Men without a shadow of a doubt cause more mental damage toward woman and children then anyone else. And yet we all sit back and allow this to happen generation after generation.

How seriously sick and twisted can life be sometimes..

So I'm back.. life can be so fucking sick and unbelievably twisted at times and I for the first time in my life understand how men get poisoned or murdered by their 'other half'...just saying. I swear I am like the worst person on the face of the planet when it comes to picking people to be in a relationship with.. its gotten so ridiculous its become a sick fucking joke. If I actually told someone everything I have been threw in the few relationships I've had in my life they'd lock me away for being mad out of my mind. I swear its gods way of punishing me for something I have done in my past life or something. Apparently I was a serial killer or ax murderer in a past life or something.. or worse..I cant think of anything worse right now but if there is something worse I may have been that too.. I believe I was meant to have my crew of kids because they are honestly and truly the only people in my life that will love me the way anyone with a good heart deserves. Honestly I would love to say that I am over exaggerating but Every single person who's ever uttered the words I love you to me has betrayed me or walked out on me or both. I don't think I can find a loving relationship to be in because I have no idea what its like to loved by someone other then my kids. Over the last year now I have been threw hell and back but its taught me that no matter what happens in my life the people that will always matter and be there for me are my kids.. And myself. I proved to myself that I don't need anyone. I can do me and mine by myself. I honestly believe I was born to be alone. I have never been successful at creating or keeping a solid relationship. Possibly because I never really saw any and the ones I did see that were solid and real were not anyone I was actually related to. I'm honestly not sure as to why it worked out that way but one thing I know is every time I am in a relationship no matter who its with it always ends horribly and I end up being the one hurt,in debt or used for one thing or another. I swear I have no taste or something.. maybe I don't know shady people when I see them because I try and see the good in everyone and yet as I have come to terms with this year is that there are A LOT fewer good people left in the world then there is bad. I cant imagine the empty feeling one must have to rip off or use a mother of seven kids just for shits and giggles but apparently these type of people pray of people like me, like creatures that smell fear and live off the darkness in the deadest part of your dreams. As I have come to research, these type of people are physic vampires or sponges. People who live off the emotions of others and they drain you aura and your physical and emotional energy. For one reason or another I seem to attract these types of people and not just boyfriends, friends and even family tend to fit the term. i'm going to end this rant now but do yourself a favor become aware of the people that surround your life because love is blind and it doesn't just work like that for a spouse but for everyone in your life.

An update!

So I took a break for awhile. I really needed to get threw things and FINALLY I did. Ryan and I have been apart since Last august and I have my seven kids, Chris takes our older three boys every weekend still, so more or less the only thing that has changed in regards to all that last year drama is Ryan and I are no longer on speaking terms and he doesn't see his children and refuses to pay child support for any of them. BUUTTTTT I do have one really amazing change in my life. His name is Nico. I don't think I have laughed like I do with him in years. Honestly he's truly amazing. He is motivated to make change in life, he's handy and a hard worker and my kids adore him which is a huge thing for me.. he also has a cute bum lol I really enjoy his company and I haven't been able to say that about someone in a long time. Every time I am with him he makes me laugh and he is so good to us. Its something I am working on getting used to. Its not easy learning to trust again..I know he notices that It isn't easy for me to just sit down and let someone else handle things or just try and give me a break. He is really something else and I don't know exactly where this is going but I cant wait to find out. Another thing I would like to share is the greatest bestie in the entire world. Her name is Wendi. This girl has seen me threw the toughest and darkest time in my life and I her as well. She is the only person I have met in my life that has seen the same dark lonely road I had to go down all my life. We have so much in common that its rather scary at times but honestly she has been such a great support for me and I would be so lost without her and her family. Her boys are so sweet and everyday they give me a reason to smile and laugh. So bright and such colorful personalities and my daughter Meyah would be lost without her buddies Juj(Justin) & LoLo(Logan.. yes another logan lol) they are amazing boys and we all adore them. My nephew Zach recently moved in and he is really good friends with her older son Kyle and Her oldest and only daughter Sam is awesome. She's a young woman any mother would be proud of. Almost forgot to tell you all that I had my beautiful son Connor Joel James Joseph Marshall on Jan 29th 2015. I had my mom and my cousin Shay with me for delivery. Ryan didn't come..not for a month after he was born and he only saw him a handful of times since. I have come to terms that connor and probably Colten will never know their father and as sad as that is since I did everything in my power to prevent that its probably for the better anyways. Connor is 6 months and is a whopping 21LBS he's a super chunker lol I'll post about Connors birth and what not another night its so insane I don't even believe I went threw it all and came out sane lol Did menschen that I broke my foot at 8+months pregnant lol :/ yea really crazy story let me tell ya lol But for now I am off to relax while I have the chance before bed. bye for now!! xo

30 Day Count Down!!

So Today Marks 30 days till we go from Mama of Six Kids to Mama of Lucky #7 (And YES this is it lol ) I am grateful that God gave me the strength to endure labor and delivery of Seven Healthy and happy children and not only that but gave me the ability to be happy and humble about having all these kids. I am so grateful that i get to be that one Mother that is Different. I am not everyone else. I believe i was built differently with a mind set that i have so that i can endure not only the children but also the hardships that i have dealt with over my 30yrs. I am very grateful and a little leery on Gods choice to put it all on my shoulders but i trust that there is a reason for it all. Have a blessed day! <3

Ever have that one person...

So lately me and my younger soon to be four children's dad have been at our end with each other.

I really hate that things have taken such a bad turn for our relationship but "It Is What It Is"

I Dont Believe that the "teenaged" man or so he acts.. laying on my couch is the same person i gave my heart to. 

I dont believe he can change from this lazy,mean,bitter person he's allowed himself to become will ever change or become the man i fell for. I wish he would, i have prayed to God so many times to please just give me My Ryan back.. if not for me then for his children's sake. And he just gets worse and worse as time goes by. He refuses to see that there is a problem, no sorry that's wrong.. He blames me for literally EVERYTHING. and its not just us its literally everything in his life,the world..its all my fault. I'm just sick of picking up his slack and trying to force him to love and pay attention to his kids. I am not the one slacking around my home,with my kids.. I feel Anger and Pain every single day..but i still get up with my kids, i still do everything for them. I still pick up his slack in our families lives. Like today, His mother,step dad and his brother are coming to take our two oldest of my and his kids and I have to get them ready and things together for them to go while he lays around on my couch after sleeping till 10:30am and worst he isnt even going with them or going to move off my couch the entire day. I broke my foot a month or so ago.. he treated me like shit while i took care of six kids,cooked,cleaned, even broke the heel of my cast from having to walk around on it till i got sick of it and cut it off myself.. did i mention that i was also pregnant with a cast for four weeks.. oh and that i have osteoporosis and have for about 8yrs now.. Honestly NONE of this even mattered to him. He was so cruel and told me i was Milking my broken foot while i was the only parent that my younger kids had to count on..even had the nerve to tell me a few days ago that i faked my broken foot. I have tried so hard to get him to stop his garbage and go seek help but he refuses. its sad that such a good man could turn into such a horrible human being. I cant stand anything about him anymore. The reasons i fell for him was cuz he loved my kids,he was stable,he was a hard worker, he was a good person, always fought for the lil guy and was that guy that bullied the bullies for picking on girls or people smaller then they were... But Now.. He's that guy. Alot of the time lately i wish he wasnt even my kids father. They'd be better off with no dad then someone like him at this point. It wasnt always like this. He was an amazing person that came into our lives when me and my three older boys had no one to count on. But ppl change and feelings change. My kids don't get love,attention or effection from him and neither do I. He thinks of him and only him.. So I feel its time for me to worry about me and mine and just pretend like he doesn't exist..

Welcome to The Mad House!!

                                           WELCOME!!

        My name is Stephanie. Everyone usually calls me Steph. I am the crazy mother of Soon to be seven children. Yes, Seven. haha. Life isn't "Normal" by any means. It's sure as heck ain't easy either. My Children are Quintan who will be 11 in Feb. He is a very smartyet typical boy for 11, My Son Miles James who is Autistic and also suffers from Tourettes Syndrome But even still is a high functioning 9yr old boy, Leland who is my Sport playing,Loves to cook, LiL ladies man. Everyone loves his out going personality. Then their is Logan Lee. He is a spunky,spirited 6 yr old boy with a personality to please and be loved by all. He too is a social bug like his big brother leland. Everyone loves him and his caring side. He is always willing to help and be a good friend to anyone who needs one. And then there is my one and only princess Meyah(Me-ya) She is 4 and she is so much personality and so social she will gladly and openly talk to anyone.. old,young,big,small, It doesnt matter to her. She Loves Everyone. She is my twin threw and threw. Looks,personality and everything. Only thing she got from her Father is she is the sloppiest sleeper in the entire universe i'm sure of it lol and for now Last but not least. My sweet lil mama'z boy Colten. He is My everything and I am his. Mama is Coltie's security blanket. He and I went threw so much together. His father was not involved for his pregnancy or labor is was just Colten and I. As has been the same with our newest boy to be Connor. I am 32 weeks pregnant with another Boy. The kids and I have decided on the name Connor. Normally I would want input from their dad but he and I dont get along anymore. I didnt exspect Colten or Connor as Logan,Meyah,Colten and Connor's dad Ryan and I havent seen eye to eye since before meyah was born. He and I dont have a good relationship like Quintan,Miles and Leland's Dad Chris have. Chris and I were together for 8yrs and he was my bestfriend for many years before that as well. Things didnt work and he recently married a young girl named Carissa whom is alot like myself at her age and we get along fantastically even thought we did have a ruff start, I do however consider her a friend now and A very large part of the other half of my kids parents cuz when chris and I dont agree she usually does end up agreeing with me on most things due to we are alot alike lol As for Ryan and I..Yea well, we dont see eye to eye on ANYTHING. He is very very different from who he was when we got together. I dont like who he is and nothing about him appeals to me anymore. He isnt a good person at this point in his life and its sad cuz he WAS one of the best guys i knew but he let shit change who he was..so much so that i cant stand to even be near him let alone actually have a civil conversation with him. He isnt involved with his children the way he should be, where chris is and always will be heavily involved. I am and always will be grateful to chris for his dedication to our boys and even though we are very different in our parenting he is still 100% always there when i need him, and not only for our boy but he's a good friend and still a stable support for myself as well. He knows i am a great mom with very lil support in my and the kids day to day lives. He's never treated my other kids differently really and they do love talking to him and jumping on him and things. Our family isnt normal and our lives arent easy but we really wouldnt change things much. Its a Crazy Life But Its Our Life!!

Come in and Meet Our Family!!